One of the disadvantages of living in a building without a doorman is that you never know for certain whether you’ll receive any packages in the mail. Given that I am not home during daylight hours on every weekday, I can never be present to sign for a UPS/FedEx package.

I ordered an important textbook last week, and apparently the UPS carrier attempted to deliver it twice without success. The first time, he left a note on my apartment door stating that he will reattempt delivery tomorrow. I left a note on my door asking him to leave it with my neighbor or at my doorstep. The second day, he left a note OUTSIDE my building stating that he will reattempt one more time. Dammit.

I called UPS that evening to hold my package for pickup, but never received a callback. I called the central office, and they told me that the UPS center in my area (Bronx) doesn’t have working phones, but I could go by within the next 15 minutes to pick it up. Given that a direct cab ride to the service center would take at least 20 minutes, I told them to reattempt deliver to ANYONE in my building the next and final time.

Later that evening (9:30pm), I heard my doorbell ring. My hopes rose as I thought that the UPS carrier had doubled back on his delivery route.

Two teenage guys dressed in starched shirts and black pants and tie greeted me at my door. One was carrying a thick, leather-bound book with gold embellishments on the edges of the pages.

“Ni hao!” one of them exclaimed.

They must have understood my disgust through my body language, and handed me a card with an address to their establishment in town.

If the UPS man were only so fortuitous in his deliveries…

misc humor, rant