When I told one of my friends that many ophthalmologists operated without wearing shoes, she responded with an insightful remark: “Isn’t that dangerous?”

In medical school, we were forbidden to wear open toed shoes while in the hospital. After all, who wants to have ascites or a bloody mess on your feet? The potential consequences of walking barefoot in the operating room are even more severe. Imagine delivering a C-section without proper gowns! With needles and other dangerously sharp equipment lingering around the OR, who wouldn’t be wearing shoes?

Indeed, I was uneasy the first time my attending told me to take off my shoes when I was operating as primary surgeon. Since then, I’ve realized that it’s nearly impossible to control the microscope and the Infiniti (I’ve only used the cautery mode) while wearing shoes. The pedals for the operating microscope control the focus and zoom on the operating field. A four-way joystick is situated above the pedals. An additional four buttons are also on the platform surrounding the pedals. All of this is controlled using ONLY your LEFT foot. A similar configuration to control the phacoemulsification machine is  located on a separate platform for your RIGHT foot. Having tactile sensation on the pedals eases the difficulty of learning the machine, especially for newbies like me.

Still, I cringe every time we lose a needle (or #57 blade) on the ground.

medicine humor, ophthalmology

I was at the local department store, and almost mistook this bottle for “Mr. Clean”. I wondered if Mr. Universal was more potent than Mr. Clean, but decided not to take the chance.

misc humor

This week, the NYTimes posted an article regarding unprofessional online behavior from medical students. Having gone to medical school, I see nothing surprising about pre-professionals using profanity or abusive language. As as college student, I viewed medical students as a pristine coterie of refined intellectuals–in retrospect, they are no different from any other graduate student in a similar age group.

The fact is that the majority of medical students are young adults who are likely halfway through maturity. They have been wildly successful in earlier life, and have managed to sidestep many consequences of inappropriate behavior through intellect. Some, fresh out of college, have never held a real job. Others have fed off the silver-platter, growing up in families of wealth or power. This group, regardless of their lineage, tries to blend into their socially acceptable age group.

This translates to posting their thoughts on Facebook, mySpace, or any other online social networking group. Like to whine about how your clinic patients irritate you on your Facebook wall? Probably not a great idea.  What about posting hilarious but true information about your hospital on your blog? <grin> Just remember, there are consequences to all of your actions…

medicine, misc humor

One of my attendings mentioned that she examined inmates routinely during her residency training.  These criminals would often sit in the same waiting room as regular patients, of course with supervision. After all, everyone needs eye care, right?

That anecdote reminded me that residents at one of the Georgian ophthalmology programs actually had a clinic in the local penitentiary. One day a week, the resident on service would sign in cataracts and other surgical cases in the “jail clinic”. In retrospect, it actually doesn’t sound too bad–no insurance issues to deal with (I’ve had my surgeries canceled because my patient didn’t have the right insurance) or accidental consumption of breakfast the day of surgery. Having prison inmates as your patients is a great system. They actually show up to your clinic on time and do what they are told. As their physicians, we’d be contributing to the governmental system.

In fact, my residency shares many similarities to that of a prison clinic. Last month, I examined an open globe laceration in the ED, similar to what I’d see in prison fights. Another one of my clinic patients came into the ED handcuffed (and foot-cuffed) to the exam chair. The only difference between my patients and those at the prison is that the cops guarding my patients are smoking outside the hospital while I am alone examining the criminal. What fun.

Indeed this is an exciting moment in my training career…

medicine, misc humor, ophthalmology

One of the disadvantages of living in a building without a doorman is that you never know for certain whether you’ll receive any packages in the mail. Given that I am not home during daylight hours on every weekday, I can never be present to sign for a UPS/FedEx package.

I ordered an important textbook last week, and apparently the UPS carrier attempted to deliver it twice without success. The first time, he left a note on my apartment door stating that he will reattempt delivery tomorrow. I left a note on my door asking him to leave it with my neighbor or at my doorstep. The second day, he left a note OUTSIDE my building stating that he will reattempt one more time. Dammit.

I called UPS that evening to hold my package for pickup, but never received a callback. I called the central office, and they told me that the UPS center in my area (Bronx) doesn’t have working phones, but I could go by within the next 15 minutes to pick it up. Given that a direct cab ride to the service center would take at least 20 minutes, I told them to reattempt deliver to ANYONE in my building the next and final time.

Later that evening (9:30pm), I heard my doorbell ring. My hopes rose as I thought that the UPS carrier had doubled back on his delivery route.

Two teenage guys dressed in starched shirts and black pants and tie greeted me at my door. One was carrying a thick, leather-bound book with gold embellishments on the edges of the pages.

“Ni hao!” one of them exclaimed.

They must have understood my disgust through my body language, and handed me a card with an address to their establishment in town.

If the UPS man were only so fortuitous in his deliveries…

misc humor, rant